Grown-up learning from Fred Rogers: Authenticity

”The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.” - Fred Rogers

When I was a young child I often played “teacher.” I loved to line up my stuffed animals and dolls and read to them the way my teacher read to my class. I loved the idea of grading papers with a red pen and singing songs at circle time. These are the actions that meant “teaching” to me as a young child as I observed the world around me. When I started teaching young children and then adults, I took these ideas with me. I tried on roles like I had while pretending with my animals and dolls, but soon learned I was most effective as a teacher when I was speaking and acting as my honest self.

As a member of the Educators’ Neighborhood Inquiry Group, I read many accounts of people who met and interacted with Fred Rogers. One thing that was consistent in all of them is that Fred was himself--he was authentic. He didn’t try to be anyone else but instead leaned into his own voice and shared his talents and perspectives in words, music, and puppets. When he said, “People can like you just the way you are,” he invited us to do the same: to be ourselves.

Fred found his authenticity in his faith. Never seeing himself as great, he instead trusted God to help him discover and use the talents he had been given to best serve children and families. In Fred’s notes, I found a quote he jotted down, "God transforms the small into significance." The first piece I reviewed from the Fred Rogers Archive was a handwritten music score for a song titled “Everybody Has a History.” The first few lines develop this thought well:

“Everybody has a history, everybody has a name, everybody has a story, no one’s story’s just the same.”

This was a theme in the Neighborhood, but also a theme in Fred’s life and work. In the modern world, we experience pressure to “brand” or present a version of ourselves in digital or real-life spaces. This feels like a new phenomenon--but in truth, this impulse is not new. Fred sang about it:

The Truth Will Make Me Free

What if I were very, very sad
And all I did was smile?
I wonder after a while,
What might become of my sadness?

What if I were very, very angry,
And all I did was sit
And never think about it,
What might become of my anger?

Where would they go, and what would they do
If I couldn’t let them out?
Maybe I’d fall, maybe get sick
Or doubt.

But what if I could know the truth
And say just how I feel?
I think I’d learn a lot that’s real
About freedom.

I’m learning to sing a sad song when I’m sad.
I’m learning to say I’m angry when I’m very mad.
I’m learning to shout,
I’m getting it out,
I’m happy, learning
Exactly how I feel inside of me.
I’m learning to know the truth.
I’m learning to tell the truth.
Discovering truth will make me free.

This “fracturing” or “fictioning” of self is at odds with the ideas of authenticity. So how do we push back on this? How do we find ways to be authentic? This was a question I pursued as I read and reviewed Fred’s writings in the Archive. Fred had many practices in his personal and professional life to protect his authenticity, from rituals of prayer and swimming to documenting stories and interactions in letters and photos. What can we learn from Fred about being authentic?

A good place to start is to ask what it is that others need to know or understand about you to really know who you are. Fred Rogers would call this the “essential” part of you. At first, this might seem like a simple question, but answering might prove its depth and complexity. I did find something in the Archive, though--a little gift from Fred that just might help.

In one interview Fred was asked how he would like to be remembered or known. What stood out to me was the structure of this statement. And it occurred to me that it might be really helpful for all of us to spend time thinking about how to answer such a question, using this structure:

•I am somebody who …

•The things that are important to me are…

•I share who I am and what I feel with the world by/through …

Learning about ourselves doesn’t stop in childhood. When we take time to think about what matters to us and who matters, we are practicing the authenticity that seemed to come so naturally to Fred Rogers.